My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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