Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
