Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
