You smell like stripper and shame
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
