My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
