i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize