i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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