Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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