after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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