Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
