Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
