i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
