Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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