I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
