chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
