this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
