please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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