Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
