He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
