you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
