Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
