I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
