Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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