this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
