i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
