so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
