I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
