We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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