I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize