I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
