4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
