Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
