Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
