I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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