i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
