shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
