his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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