Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I could make wine with my vomit
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
