I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize