I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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