Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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