I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
