watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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