Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
