Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Randomize
