It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
