either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
