May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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