Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
