i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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