Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
