if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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