Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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