maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
