my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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