i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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