were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
