He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
