one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
