I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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