i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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