got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
