I faked an abortion last night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
