when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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