If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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