okay pat passed out under dana's car
wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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