I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
