i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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