So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this just has baby written all over it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
