you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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