go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
