I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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