So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
