I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
