Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
