It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
