I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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