youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
