White coat. Heels.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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