i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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