I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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