did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
