I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
