I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize