You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
