Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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