i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
