it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
