Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
