His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
