i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize