he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize