did you get engaged???
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
