So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize