Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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