You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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