Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
