i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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