last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
