some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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